I tried to re-arrange my face into a look of nonchalance but inside my stomach was churning. I was very aware that the whole future of our relationship rested on my reaction to this particular revelation. Say the wrong thing and she may never confide her feelings about boys to me again. So while my panicked brain shouted at me: ‘She’s going to have sex too young!’ ‘She’s going to be pregnant before she’s 12!’ She’s going to have a dirty back street abortion which will KILL HER!’ I somehow managed a weak smile and a ‘How nice. Does he have your rubber?’ And then it was easier to act normally as Poppy went off into a detailed explanation of the rubber exchange.
She went back to school after lunch leaving me mentally
exhausted. But once the ‘Pregnancy/shame/abortion/death’ thoughts had calmed
over a cup of tea, I reached for our special book and started to write.
Our ‘Special book’ it just for the two of us. We share our
thoughts, fears and hopes in there and keep it in a safe place – usually under
her pillow. No-one else is allowed to look at it. And it really is great. I am
not very good at saying the right thing but writing things down a little later helps me to
take a deep breath and get to the nook and cranny of how I feel. And for
Poppy, she has reached that age when she also finds it difficult to express
herself, so I think it helps her. And she loves having something that is there for just me and her.
So I started to write about how it was lovely to see her so happy. I
wrote about falling for a boy when I was around her age but he moved away after
a year leaving me very sad. However, we wrote to each other for more than 10 years. I
asked questions about Raphael - What does she like about him? Does he also like
drawing? What does he do that makes her smile? Then I closed the book and felt
differently about it all. And I felt hope. That maybe I will get through many
more years of being an okay mum.
Wow, your reaction was awesome! And having your "Special book" is pretty nice idea :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Adina, I try! Yes, it seems to be working too, which is double whammy :)
DeleteWow, I still don't understand what happened here. Do they all carry them around and they swapped them? It's so cool that you keep a journal together. I'd love to hear more about that, as well.
ReplyDeleteHi Tara, they all have their own rubber as part of their daily'tools' which they keep in their school desks.Just my daughter and this certain boy exchanged theirs by throwing them at each other ;D
DeleteUhm, wasn't she just talking about a rubber as in "eraser"?
ReplyDeleteLove the book! What a great tool to keep the communication flowing!
Haha yes of course Tamara - I certainly do mean eraser rather than the other kind. God forbid! :-O
DeleteWhat a fab idea about the book. I can't wait for until my daughter can write. I want to do this.
ReplyDeleteYes, one of my seldom strokes of genius :) It does work particularly well with Poppy as she loves reading and writing so much. I'm not sure it will work as well with her younger sister in a couple of years - she hates writing! But this may change when it becomes a little less of an effort :)
DeleteThat is a very cool idea. I want to do this when my boy can write and read - not long now. Even just to remember stuff. Omg, we had a weird incident today that freaked me out and he was totally FINE, and I really had to talk myself down so as not to show him how scared I had been... but I'd almost like to remember it together somehow because it was actually one of those little milestones... (sorry not making much sense but I relate to what you're saying!)
ReplyDeleteHaha, I know just what you mean Claire. Those incidents do indeed crop up very often as our little treasures grow up and you sprout a few more grey hairs each time. All the best in doing that great, very important - and at times incredibly stressful - job of being a parent.
ReplyDelete